Weekend Kindness

SANCTIFY YOUR MARRIAGE WITH PRAYER AND THANKSGIVING.

None of us are exempt from trials. We all face hard times in our marriages. What do you do? Grumble and groan? Complain and criticize? Talk negatively and nastily. Oh it is so easy to do this, because this is how we feel. But here’s the secret. Take it to the Lord in prayer. Thank Him. Trust Him. All your groaning and blaming one another will not solve the problem. God is your Deliverer! You can trust Him. Learn to hang on to God and look to Him as your source. Don’t trust in your husband’s ability alone, but in the Lord.

Make it your habit to pray and praise the Lord together daily. If you pray daily together, you’ll keep free from “the little foxes that spoil the vines” that eat away at your marriage. Make your home a house of prayer and thanksgiving. Matthew 18:19 is a wonderful promise for married couples. “If two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.” Notice these words – “If two of you…” The two of you together can claim great power and miracles in your relationship and in your home as you faithfully pray together.

And never forget the exhortation in Ephesians 4:26, “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” If you have an argument or get upset with one another, don’t act like a baby and put on the silent treatment. Sort it out. Say “I’m sorry.” Forgive one another. Never go to sleep until you have restored the relationship. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.

~Nancy Campbell~

It’s easy to show kindness to someone you like—and even someone you love—but how often have you showed kindness to an absolute stranger?

They pass you every day.  They’re walking along the street with you, into the parking garage with you, and they’re standing behind you in the check out line.  Do you notice them, or are they in your way.

Here’s a few simple ways to show kindness to a stranger, and brighten their day:

• When you walk past someone walking alone, tell them “Good morning!” or wish them a good day.  Don’t want to say something?  Make sure to smile and make eye contact.
• Hold the door open for someone behind you—even if you have to wait a few extra seconds.  They’ll be glad you did.
• Talk to someone you work with that you’ve never talked with before.  Chances are you’ll have more in common than you thought—I mean, you do work together, after all.
• If you see that someone behind you has fewer things to buy, let them go first.
• See a mom with a small kid that may not be behaving, you might try peek-a-boo.
• If you see someone drop something, and you’re near it, pick it up and hand it to them before they get to it.
• Send someone a card or write something on a plain piece of paper to let someone know that you are thinking of them.

These are just some ideas—there are many more—the point is that you need to be thinking ahead of time what you’ll do, and looking for opportunities.  Once you’re looking, there will be many that will turn up.

SWEETEN YOUR MARRIAGE.

Ouch! This is a challenge to me. If I start to get a little harsh, Colin will say, “Come on, Darling, be sweet to me.” And I do have to be reminded! But he never lets me get away with sharp words. He always pulls me up to be gentle and sweet.

How do you sweeten your marriage? With words - sweet words, soft words, encouraging words, cheerful words, positive words, helpful words, supportive words, kind words, wise words, forgiving words, loving words, pleasant words and life-giving words. You can’t miss having a successful marriage if you put this secret into practice!

I am always challenged by Song of Solomon 4:11 where the Bridegroom speaks to the bride and says, “Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue.” What drips from the honeycomb? Sweetness! What kind of words drip from your tongue?

A dear friend called in this morning and shared this quote with me: “People turn their best side out: they are delightful in company, but snarly at home. There they give vent to their dissatisfaction, their temper, their grouch. They are scent-bottles abroad, vinegar-bottles at home… To be a Christian at home one must learn to ‘keep sweet’.”

Your words will gradually kill your marriage or they can keep it alive with love. It’s your choice. Proverbs 18:21.

~Nancy Campbell~

No phrase in the English language is stronger or bonds two people together more strongly than the words “I Love You”.  The phrase passed on from generation, always with the same meaning, always let you know exactly how the other person feels.

But you can show that you love someone without saying it, and sometimes that vivid illustration can say what words cannot.

1. Submitting to the Other

One of the things that will show your love like nothing else is by putting aside your desires for theirs.  I’m not saying that you need to be a slave to someone, but when you’re in love and showing it, you will naturally find that you’re willing to do whatever the other person wants to do—you just want to be with them no matter what.

What comes so easy when you’re dating or courting should also be something that you work on and practice in marriage, so that your let the person that you love know that being with them is more important than getting your own way.

2. Thinking of Them

When you were dating, or if you’re still dating, your lover is always on your mind.  You’re thinking about the next time you’ll be together.  You’re pondering what they’re doing or wearing.  You’re hoping that they’ll call.

This is when you should write down something to show them later, or you should give them a call, drop them an e-mail or send a text.  You’re thinking about them, and I’m sure they’ll be happy to know it.

3. Be There in the Tough Times

It’s easy to be around when things are going well.  It’s hard to be with people when they’re making you mad or they are going through difficult times.  It is in these tough times that you can show your love more powerfully than at any other time in your relationship.  It is during these difficult times that you show them that they are more than the happiness that they bring you—they are someone that you truly love.

4. Share Your True Self

Many of us are adept at playing the hypocrite.  No, I’m not calling everyone a liar, but what I am saying is that we all wear masks—the thickest we wear is the one that many of us wear to church.

The longer that you’ve been in a relationship with someone, the thinner the mask is between you and them—because they see you even when you’re tired out.  However, even in this case, it’s rare that someone shows who they truly are, and what they truly struggle with.

If you’re able to share with your lover who you truly are, and they know what you’re doing, they will know that you truly love and trust them.

5. Sacrifice

This kinda goes along with #1, but is slightly different.  Whereas submission chooses to do something that someone else wants, sacrifice takes something that you want and, knowing that you both can’t have it, gives it up for the good of the other person.

If you can do this without calling attention to the fact that you’re doing it, then you’ve truly shown love indeed—for true love doesn’t call attention to oneself, but seeks the best for someone else.

Part 2 tomorrow…

SERVE YOUR HUSBAND.

This is meant to be a time of sharing my secrets. Can I share with you what I believe is one of the most destructive forces in a marriage? It is the sin of selfishness! The secret of a successful marriage is selflessness and serving. If you are trying to get something out of your marriage for yourself, you will never be satisfied. It doesn’t work that way. Forget about yourself and think of all the ways you can serve and satisfy your husband. This will bring you joy and freedom. This will release your husband to love you. Even Jesus, the Son of God, did not come to be served but to serve. He was our example. Read Philippians 2:6-8.

Stamp on all the works of the flesh that poke their way up in your life - your self-pitying, self-centered, self-gratifying, self-serving, self-pleasing, self-opinionated self! They destroy the marriage.

Marriage seminars are good. Marriage counseling is good. But they are not the total answer. I know couples that have been to loads of marriage seminars and still have problems in their marriage. All you need to do is forget about self, start serving and your problems will disappear!

Make your home a refuge where your husband can find peace and harmony from the strife of the workplace. Daily prepare a nutritious and appetizing meal for him. There is nothing more soothing than coming home to find the table set nicely, the meal ready with delicious smells floating from the kitchen, a peaceful atmosphere, and everyone ready to sit down to the evening meal.

~Nancy Campbell~

My wife and I have told God that we want Him to work in our lives.  To take us and our family anywhere He pleases.  We have been looking for a house for over two years, and every time we get close, the door closes.  God tells us that it’s not the right time yet.

And yet, on the horizon is something big– something God-sized that is going on, but I’m not quite sure what it all means yet.  Let’s just say that I see the hand of the Lord on my family again, and that He is already at work preparing something for us to do.

How do I know it’s Him?  Part of it is intuition– the intuition that told me to return to my hometown, to join this current church at this time, and that told me who to marry.  Part of it is circumstance– I couldn’t begin to detail all that I’ve seen and that I’m seeing at work.  Maybe as it comes closer to fulfillment I can talk about all the marvelous ways I’m seeing Him at work.

And lastly, part of it is because He’s answering our prayers.  We long to be part of something that we can point to and say “that was not me, that was God.”  “That was not of me or my church’s strength, that was of God’s strength.”

And of course, I believe He’s trying to use me here on the web as well— though I’m sure that He’s shaking His head sometimes at what I choose to write, post, and how I respond in comments!  But praise be to Him that He loves me and is choosing to use me.

Praise God that He always has a plan. One year after we had joined our new church home, our church went through a time of trouble.  Just as I had been asked to be a deacon, circumstances came to bear that left us without a Pastor and some of the key pillars of the church when I had joined.

Very quickly I went from the new deacon to the deacon’s spokesman to the Deacon Chairman.  My understanding of Biblical passages and my untaintedness meant that I was the logical choice in a polarized atmosphere.  I also ended up being the Pulpit Committee Chairman in a rather uncomfortable twist of events.

God placed me in my current church at the right time to accomplish His purpose.  I was placed there to help my church through this rough time, to help bring in the new pastor, and I started to wonder if my task here was done.

I stopped being a deacon when my term was up.  It was months of sometimes weekly meetings, highly charged emotional atmospheres, and I believed that I had become to jaded and calculating to the point where I needed to heal.

However, it is in this time away that my wife and I began to wonder whether this is where the Lord wants us to stay.

The problem with attempting to go home and “change the world” is that a lot of what you can do is perception.  To most of the people in my hometown and my home church I was the little boy that grew up at their knee.  This meant that I had to jump through extra hurdles to get things done.  However, I did it.

I was a sound technician, I had my own choir, I was teaching Kindergarten Sunday School, all the while I was chatting on AIM at home.  I was forming friendships across the country.  At least once a night I was sharing the Gospel with a stranger.  I was flying all over the country with my job, making friends, witnessing on airplanes, and seeing God’s hand of protection and provision.

My college debt was paid off by September.  I owned– outright– my first car (a ‘92 Saturn SC2) by December.  I was storing away money in a 401K, Roth IRA, and stocks, the list continues.

And then things started to change.  I married my lovely wife in 2001, and decided that I didn’t want the commute that I had to work.  So we moved closer to my workplace, but that made commuting to church unbearable.

So, we decided to look for a new church.  We believed that God was leading us out of my home church because even though I was married, and expecting our first child, I was not able to escape the perception.  It was time to find a church that wouldn’t look at who I was, but who I am.

SUPPORT YOUR HUSBAND.

We are to complete our husband, not compete with him. Genesis 2:18 says, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone: I will make him a help meet for him.” The word “help meet” is “neged”. It means, “part opposite, counterpart, over against or before, other side.” God made us opposite to our husband. We have a different task. It would have been unnecessary for God to make another creation like Adam to do the same thing as him.

I believe that one of the most fundamental understandings of a successful marriage is to know our role in the marriage. God ordained the husband to be the Provider, the Protector and the Priest of the home. He created the woman to be the Nurturer, the Nourisher and the Nest builder. The husband is the Breadwinner; the wife is the Bread baker! The husband is the King; the wife is the Queen.

We support our husband, not by competing for his role, but by encouraging him to be what God ordained him to be - the leader and the provider. When we take away his God-given task and try to do it ourselves, we undermine him as a man, and we come out from under God’s divine order. Oh you may think you can do a much better job than he can! But that’s not the point. The more you attack his position, the weaker he will become in it. However, as you relinquish it to him, he will gradually learn to take his responsibility. He may make many mistakes at the beginning, but he will grow stronger and wiser as you affirm his role.

In many homes today there are two Adams, both trying to fulfill the role of Adam the provider, rather than an Adam and an Eve. Many women have rejected the role of embracing and nurturing children to take on the husband’s responsibility. The greatest calling that God has given to women is being cut off because they would rather have Adam’s job! As we have adopted this humanistic stance, we see more and more divorce and broken marriages. As we have rejected children and God’s plan for marriage, He has taken away His hand of blessing and we see destruction on every side.

I hate to sound like a broken record but I must reiterate it again. The basic ingredient of a successful marriage is to release your husband to be the provider and leader, and embrace your calling to be a mother and to make your home a peaceful haven for your husband.

~Nancy Campbell~

When I chose to attend Bob Jones University I wasn’t sure that it was right for me.  I did not agree with Calvanistic Doctrine.  I did not like some of the rules that were put upon the students.  And I had been the homebody that didn’t go off to Boy’s State like his brother.

However, I blended right in.  I was able to become pseudo-popular… Popular in my own circles.

It was here that God first got a hold of me.  It was my second semester there, and I had a roommate that had just been saved and was on fire for the Lord.  He had come to BJU to be a evangelist.  If you think I’m passionate about what I believe, this guy would get in your face, and he did loading for RPS.  He could probably bench press two or three of me.

It was one night in our nightly devotional time where he looked straight at me and my roommate and challenged us on our faith.  Here I was, going to a Christian University, but I wasn’t really doing anything for the Lord.  That, coupled with my first review on campus where the review showed I wasn’t doing any personal devotions.

Here I was, the guy that was so sure of himself and his faith in high school, that was always doing the right thing, and it sunk in.  It was all about me.  It was then that I found an extension ministry– and stuck to it.  I started a daily devotional study and I began to absorb what I was being taught.

Fast forward to me as a Senior.  I have a lot of Bible training, and the ability to choose.  My skills have landed me an interview on campus staff doing computer work for them  Or I could return to my home town, to my home church, to try to make a difference.

I chose my hometown.  I knew that I wanted to use what God had given me to reach those that were in my home, to try to help cut through some of the apathy I believed that I saw.  So, I got a job with the company my father worked for and headed home.