feedest: read this: Six 4 Paula

So, I’ve been on hiatus for a few months. Sometimes life is hard work and frivolous things (like a blog) take a backseat. Even though I don’t blog about my kids, rest assured they are filling every minute of my days with joy and drama. With three teens in my home, that’s a lot of drama. Add to that a business, a marriage on-the-rocks, a few pets, and extended family and you get the idea.

I’ve been in a somewhat contemplative mood as well, with a milestone birthday coming up in a few months. I’ll be celebrating 40 years of me.

At this time of year, twenty years ago, I met the man I would marry, and have six beautiful kids with. The oldest just turned 17, and the youngest will turn 4 next month. Its been a wild ride.

When my future husband met me at the library of the university we both attended, I was a quirky 19-year-old kid. On our first date I was wearing tight black pants, a ‘Property of Alcatraz’ sweatshirt, and black converse sneakers with Disney characters on them.

The other day we were eating lunch together — a ‘date’ as part of our plan of recommitting to each other and saving our marriage — and he said that I hadn’t really changed at all in twenty years. I was worried he meant maturity level, but he said he meant looks and personality. I blushed and thanked him, but reminded him I definitley dress more like a mom now. He smiled and pointed down at my shoes. Black converse sneakers. Only this pair had Kurt Cobain lyrics written on them.

And now, in the hopes of recommitting to this blog, I’m launching a few new features to get me back into my blogging as therapy. One of the things that got me through my teen/young adult years was what was termed “new Wave” music back in the 80s and 90s. My love for that sound continues strongly today. Every Monday I’ll post a favorite new wave style song. Most will be old stuff, but I’ll find some new things too. The feature will be called “Blue Mondays.” And the very first video could only be one of my favorite new wave songs ever. ‘Blue Monday’ by New Order. This song came out in 1988, the same year my life would start down the path that led me to where I am now. I used to tear up the dance floor to this song, and It still moves me to do so today. Even at 40.

“You are never a burden.. don’t ever think that. Friends need each other to pick them up when they are down and I would do nothing less. ” — Dawn Drover ~ Twisted Sister

A Million Dollar Friend is the kind of person who instinctively knows what it means to be a good friend; this kind of person makes you look forward to the days ahead and fondly remember the days that have passed. A Nice Place In The Sun

I’m honored to receive the very cute Million Dollar Friend award from its creator, Annie from A Nice Place In The Sun. Our friendship has had some bumps and obstacles, and we went through some really crazy stuff. I’m glad I took the time to really get to know her despite all that, and I’m even happier that she still wanted to get to know me too. Ann is a really cool lady and one day I’d love to give her a hug, just because.

Now, I’m supposed to give this award to people I consider “Million Dollar Friends.” I have people that aren’t online or in the blogging world that I would certainly want to give this award to, and close friends I’ve made in other forums such as LiveJournal (LJ) and BookCrossing (BC), but I’ll just have to tell them myself as I can’t link to them here. I’m blessed that I do have a few names from the blogosphere that I truly do consider a million dollar friend to me.

And now in my typical googly-eyed girl fashion, I leave you with a little song. Dance amongst yourselves..

This is what happens when I am left alone at a party with a packet of stick-on googly eyes.

You do not have to be tagged to play along. This game is simple and so are the rules.

2. Add your site(s) to the list. Just be sure to post the “Big Bang” at each site you add.

3. Tag or don’t tag, your choice, however, the more tags you create the longer the list will grow.

4. Let me know your blog’s name and url by leaving me a comment HERE. I will add you to the master list. (If you would like the instructions for the scroll box code, leave me your email address and I will email it to you. The scroll box is totally cusomizeable.)

5. Come back and copy the master list back to your site, often. This process will allow late-comers to get as much link benefit as the first ones in. Once you are on the master list people who have participated earlier will update their bookmarks and help everyone lower than them out on the list.

You do not have to be tagged to play along. This game is simple and so are the rules.

2. Add your site(s) to the list. Just be sure to post the “Big Bang” at each site you add.

3. Tag or don’t tag, your choice, however, the more tags you create the longer the list will grow.

You do not have to be tagged to play along. This game is simple and so are the rules.

2. Add your site(s) to the list. Just be sure to post the “Big Bang” at each site you add.

3. Tag or don’t tag, your choice, however, the more tags you create the longer the list will grow.

Why did it take me nearly 26 years to see them? Well, I grew up in Alaska and DD never came up there. And then in my twenties, I was pretty busy popping out four of my six kids. So when I found out they were playing one night only in Seattle on their Red Carpet Massacre tour, there was NO question I would go.

I wasn’t able to get front-row tickets, but the 9th row was pretty spectacular all the same. I was accompanied by my baby brother and his wife. All of us are in our mid to late thirties, but I was the Duran Duran “superfan” of our group. Not to mention I’ve been madly in love with the bass player, John Taylor, for over two decades.

We had seats but stayed on our feet the entire two hours (which flew by!), and somehow, dancing came back to this middle-aged mom. I danced, screamed, clapped, and generally acted like a wild woman. It was exhilarating, not to mention great exercise. My brother seemed impressed I had that much energy still, and he commented that he “saw some of my old moves coming back.” I used to dance quite a bit, taught him to dance, and the highlight of our brother-sister dance team was winning a contest at the local teen club in the ’80s.

The cool thing was seeing so many people around my age, all screaming and jumping around as if we were all 14 again. I can’t say I’ve seen that many happy people all together at once ever.

The boys still got it. JT looked hotter than ever (and yes I cried at just the sight of him). They sounded great, and played a good range of stuff from very old to very new. They played a few songs we weren’t expecting like “Save A Prayer” which is a song I played over and over and over again as a teenybopper.

If I had any kind of money I’d become a groupie and travel ’round and go to every concert in every city they play. But, alas I’m still a mom and had to eventually come home. But, I promised myself I will go and see them every time they tour from here on out. I will still scream even if they are in their 80s and I’m in my 60s. I’ll still dance too.

I read about you today on my friend Elizabeth’s blog — Table For Five. We don’t know each other, and I’d never chanced upon your blog before. I saw a fun blog, authored by a beautiful, witty woman. A fellow mom writing about her life with humor and candor. The kind of woman I wish I was, or could be. And there you are, and you have cancer for the third time.

“Why not me?”, I asked myself. It could be me or any of the moms I know (and don’t know). I have a heightened sense today of how much I love life, and all the pain and drama that comes with it. I’m also thinking hard about my own mortality, and how I don’t exercise enough (at all?), and who would care for my six kids if anything happened to me. And how I haven’t taken any of them to Disneyland yet.

And I keep thinking about you. And how much I want you to kick cancer’s ass and how much I want to help you.

*Note to readers: the suggested donation for the Lisa Fund is $10. I donated $60 (once for each of my six kids). Please give what you can. The organizers have some great prizes that you can win. You can also help by blogging about it, putting up the button, or donating a prize.

“I must learn to love the fool in me — the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. it alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.” ~ Theodore I. Rubin MD

One year ago today I started my first blog. My own blog that is. I had been working “behind the scenes” on a friend’s blog for a year prior to launching Polliwog’s Pond.

Before all this, I had a journal on LiveJournal that about 40-50 people had access too. There were no public posts, so I don’t consider that a blog. I left LJ when I started all this blogging hoo-hah. On my public blog I was never able to write as openly and honestly as I’d been able to on the journal. Primarily because of my children, and because if I’d been completely transparent about the events of the last few years, it would have affected them in a very negative way.

I also left behind some truly good friends on LJ. I’ve been fortunate to make a few out here in the blogosphere (I hope you know who you are), but I’ve also been used, taken advantage of, and hurt by bloggers who claimed to be “friends” but didn’t really know the meaning of the word.

I’ve been trying to devote more time to getting the life I want. That has involved a lot more social activities, time with friends and family (all live off this Island so it’s a bit of a logistical nightmare to plan things), and making some important decisions about my marriage and my relationship with my husband.

This also means I have started back up my private journal on LiveJournal. I will be writing there the things which I cannot (or don’t want to) write about here on a public blog.

These changes have all been very good for me. But what to do with my blog? I don’t want to kill it. I also don’t want it to sit here lonely and neglected. And it is neglected right now. I think I’ll just sit on it for awhile and see if I can work it back into my life in a way that is beneficial for me and others. I have some ideas on directions I’d like to go. I just need to settle on one idea and make it happen.

I’ll definitely be blogging about this upcoming event. On April 30th, the thing I have been waiting for, for about oh 26 years, is going to happen. I’m going to go see Duran Duran in concert!!! I can’t believe it’s happening. I’m going to be hoarse from screaming. I’m going with my brother and his awesome wife. Pinch me!!!

I hope you’ll stick with me, the people I’ve grown to care about here and continue to read your blogs. If you’re on LiveJournal, let me know, there are a handful of you out there I would give access to my private journal there. I’ll be reworking this blog into a suitable home for myself over the next few months. I hope you’ll join me as I start a new chapter of my life.

In the meantime, I’m going to learn to “love the fool in me.” The parts of me I’ve been fighting for so long and hating about myself.

Do you ever wonder who really writes the blog posts around here?

Lovie the Cat told me he wanted to be a Problogger today. Maybe I should let him take over the blog. He’s not a lazy slacker like me.

I started out my blogging career helping my old buddy Bob (of bobbarama dot com fame) build his little bloggy empire. I enjoy that side of things. He encouraged me to begin my own blog last spring and it has been rewarding, but because I don’t yet find it real comfortable to write when I’d rather be tweaking stuff, it’s been a challenge.

I read a ton of blogs. I love blogs. I love my blog. But when am I going to be able to login in to my blog, write a post (or two!) without being distracted by widgets and networking sites and cool new templates I simply must try?!

As I was writing this, my 3-year-old son Leo was sitting beside me and he pointed to the photo of my cat Lovie and said “kitty blogging!” HA HA HA! I hadn’t said that, and I didn’t know Leo knew the word blog. Ok, so maybe I should have Leo write this blog?

Have you all checked out my friend Andrew’s totally radical new blog — My Blog Rules — yet? He manages to surprise, entertain and inform me every single time I visit. This post — Double Feature of Duds — brought back some memories of my favorite horror flick of all-time (The Lost Boys) and in particular this video I feature below. I had a HUGE (no pun intended) crush on this over sized hunk of man back then. Check out Tim Capello and his saxophone … hmm … I think the crush lives on.