DrinkPlanner

One of our nation’s tragically under-celebrated holidays is nearly upon us: Repeal Day.  December 5th marks that day when the 21st Amendment to the Constitution (yeah, that Constitution) was ratified, nullifying the 18th Amendment which prohibited “the manufacture, sale, or transportation of intoxicating liquors within, the importation thereof into, or the exportation thereof from the United States and all territory subject to the jurisdiction thereof for beverage purposes” …in layman’s terms, nobody could enjoy God’s Gift to mankind that is alcohol.  It was a dismal and sad time for our country…but on December 5th 1933, that dark time was conquered, an oppressive veil lifted, and a people were set free from the tyranny of teetotalers and “temperance” zealots who wanted to blame the country’s ills on innocent little alcohol.  Horsefeathers, I say!  On that blessed day, we rose up and united as one, embracing that fact that we are indeed a Drinking People…it’s part of our culture and part of who we are, dare I say an intrinsic part of our lives, and there’s no activist group or organization or even government that can deny that fact.  Yeah!

So, how to celebrate what is possibly the greatest day in our nation’s history?  It’s simple: DRINK! No silly costumes, no decorations, no specific animals to be cooked.  Just get out there and drink.  Throw a party.  Go to a bar.  Buy some strangers a shot.  Drink some bourbon, the official spirit of the gol’ dang US of A by God.  SPREAD THE DAMN WORD! Drinking is here, we briefly lost it, and we’ll never ever make that mistake again.  It’s your right as an American to imbibe, and how dare you shirk your patriotic duties on this most important of days!  How DARE you, sir!?! Your forefathers fought and died for your right to sip that Manhattan or nurse that imported beer*.  Show some respect!  Have a drink!

*“Fought and died” is probably not entirely accurate, but why take the chance?

Hot on the heels of our last post looking at the finer points of buying a lady a drink in a bar, Camper over at Alcademics brings us a video about when one drink too many causes us to make decisions we might not under more sober circumstances. Show me, Chris Lova Lova! (aka Ludacris)

Also, I want one of those giant snifters.   Oh, the imbibing I’d do!

You see her across the bar.  She’s got that…something.  Could be her smile, the way she carries herself, her laugh, her hair, her breathtaking rack…whatever it is, she’s put your eyeballs in a headlock and ain’t letting go.  So you decide you want to let her know you’re interested and buy her a drink.  But…what do you buy?  You have a sneaking feeling that a Screw Me Blue or Blowjob shooter might be a little too forward.  You want to come across as classy, but buying a bottle of champagne seems a little over-the-top and trying-too-hard and several other hyphenated phrases you don’t want to be associated with.  You can’t let this temptress get away, but you’re frozen stiff not knowing what to do.  So what do you do?

You read this guide, dummy.

1. Buy Her Another Round of Her Current Drink - Don’t break your brain trying to figure out if she’s the kind of girl who prefers Cosmos or a glass of wine or even a Guinness.  Guessing wrong means you’ve wasted a drink and you’re possibly insulting her.  She may feel like you’ve classified her as an “Appletini Girl” when she’s actually a “Raspberritini Girl” and frankly, there’s no recovering from that.  She’s already got a drink, don’t make it any more difficult than it has to be.  Ask the bartender what she’s drinking, order another for her and have them deliver it to her.  Oh, and don’t do it anonymously stupid, make sure you get pointed out.

“You drink what I TELL you to drink, woman!  Now go buy me another purple tie!”

2. Upgrade Her Drink - Take what she’s already drinking and make it better.  If she’s drinking a gin and tonic with house gin, tell the bartender to make it a Tanqueray Ten and tonic.  If she’s drinking Cavit Cabernet Sauvignon, upgrade it to a Liberty School Cab or maybe a trendy Argentinian Malbec.  DON’T just buy the most expensive thing on the list, that makes you look like a sucker who has no personal taste.  You’re upgrading to do something nice for her, look like you’ve got some sense/class, and show that you’re not a cheapskate.  Buying the most expensive spirit available just shows that you have no personal taste, and you’d rather throw money around to get a girl than use your personality and good old fashioned courtin’ skillz to attract her.  There ARE girls who are fine with this buy-me-lobster-and-caviar-and-nothing-less-than-Dom-Perignon-damnit approach.  They are, quite frankly, tasteless trollops and amoral strumpets not worthy of a gentleman’s time*.

3. Relax and Be Yourself - When her drink is delivered, don’t be an over-eager moron.  Give eye contact, a slight but earnest smile (not a big toothy grin, that will only make you look mad rapey) and maybe a nod.  Don’t wink.  If she’s interested, she’ll come over and talk to you.  This is a good thing, it separates her from her friends and brings her into your space.  Now you have a chance to work whatever magic you’ve been blessed with sans BFF distraction and if you’re lucky…make a connection.

Chill out with the rape-eyes, Roofie McGropesalot

4. Listen to The Modern Drunkard - In their 86 Rules of Boozing, The Modern Drunkard’s list of rules for drinkers includes several that apply to this very situation.  To wit:

“6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

“14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.”

Incredibly true, and I couldn’t say it any better (and I dare not steal it without crediting), so there it is.  Really, buying a girl a drink can be something special, so don’t be a sucker and buy a drink for every pretty face you see.  Separate yourself from the unwashed masses as a gentleman of class and refinement, and make it mean something when you do happen to buy an unknown lady a beverage at a bar.

Beyond this, you’re on your own.  Maybe some of those sleazeball “hookup artists” can further your game beyond this, but that’s not really my job.  Buying a girl a drink is a great “in” and hopefully you’ve got the character (or have consumed enough Liquid Courage) to carry yourself past that point and don’t need to use tricks to get a girl to be interested in you. If you’re a decent guy, she’ll figure it out once you give her the chance.

So good luck!  Wooing the opposite sex is not an easy trick, hopefully this guide will get you a step or two closer to sealing the deal.

*Unless that’s what you’re going for.  In which case…enjoy spending your cash on souless gold-diggers!

I just read some pretty bad news from RumDood.  Short version is that the cable channel responsible for “Three Sheets“, one of our favorite shows about drinking, is shutting down.  But there’s a chance for “Three Sheets” to survive: SpikeTV.  They’re being kind of slow about it apparently, so action needs to be taken to let them know we want them to pick up the show.  Email SpikeTV and beg ask them to pick up “Three Sheets” and keep Zane on the air. 

The longer version: I love this show.  It’s funny, pro-booze, informative and entertaining.  If you’ve never watched it, go over to Hulu where they’ve got every full episode for free available for your viewing enjoyment.  It’s great, right?  The host, Zane Lamprey, gets to travel all over the planet and gets to try everything out there, from super-swanky tastings with master distillers and brewers to down-and-dirty drinking with locals in dive bars.  He’s good at it, so good that we named him one of our illustrious Champions of Drinking (mostly out of my painfully obvious envy of him and his job).  We also listed the show as one of the Top Five Booziest of the Past Five Years.

So if you’ve got a minute, give SpikeTV a holler and help keep good boozing TV on the air.

Thanks for the tip RumDood!

Well whaddya know, I got interviewed!  I got asked some questions by Michael over at My Aching Head about my drinking habits and food and wine and whathaveyou.  Here’s an excerpt!

“I’m actually a White Zinfandel guy.  It’s like…finally, a wine for me, you know?”

Riveting! Want another taste of my words of wisdom?

“Drinking is awesome”

Life changing! So head on over to My Aching Head to read more thrilling and brain-bending things I said in response to questions I was asked!

Time Out With DrinkPlanner

Just a quick reminder, tonight in the Mixoloseum Bar we’ll be making drinks with Leblon Cachaça.  It’s not too late to get a bottle and join us!  7pm Eastern, be there!

Details are a little slim, but apparently the Trufill can miraculously fill glasses of beer (10 in 10 seconds) from the bottom.  This not only looks really cool, but will cut labor costs by as much as 80%.

Granted, there’s got to be a huge cost in adapting your bar to this system.  The cost of the device itself, custom hook-ups to your kegs (or possibly having to buy custom kegs), buying multiple kegs to be hooked up at the same time if you want to have more than one dispenser, buying all your glassware over again so they’ll work with the Trufill…you’d really have to be a new bar starting from scratch to not rack up massive debt in investing in the system and make it worth it.  But I could be wrong, they haven’t revealed anything in terms of pricing.  FoodBev promises to update us with a video next week of the thing in action, so perhaps more info will be dispensed then.

Looks pretty nifty though.

FoodBev ::via:: Boing Boing Gadgets

So the story goes like this: There’s this list going around that some famous food guy put out called the Omnivores 100, a list of 100 things every eater should try in their lifetime.  Good and bad, boring and thrilling, it’s simply 100 things worth trying at some point in your life.  So Darcy over at The Art of Drink, a qualified person if there ever was one, has devised the Imbibers One Hundred, a list of 100 drinks you should try, alcoholic and not, over the course of your lifetime. So I’m posting the list below, and the instructions should you want to play along at home.

Instructions:

1) Copy this list into your blog, with instructions.
2) Bold all the drinks you’ve imbibed.
3) Cross out any items that you won’t touch
4) Post a comment here and link to your results.

OR

If you don’t have a blog, just count the ones you’ve tried and post the number in the comments section.

List of Drinks You Must Try Before You Expire

1. Manhattan Cocktail
2. Kopi Luwak (Weasle Coffee)
3. French / Swiss Absinthe
4. Root beer
5. Gin Martini
6. Sauternes
7. Whole Milk
8. Tequila (100% Agave)
9. XO Cognac
10. Espresso
11. Spring Water (directly from the spring)
12. Gin & Tonic
13. Mead
14. Westvleteren 12 (Yellow Cap) Trappist Ale
15. Chateau d’Yquem
16. Budwieser
17. Maraschino Liqueur
18. Mojito
19. Orgeat
20. Grand Marnier
21. Mai Tai (original)
22. Ice Wine (Canadian)
23. Red Bull
24. Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice
25. Bubble Tea
26. Tokaji
27. Chicory
28. Islay Scotch
29. Pusser’s Navy Rum
30. Fernet Branca
31. Fresh Pressed Apple Cider
32. Bourbon
33. Australian Shiraz
34. Buckley’s Cough Syrup
35. Orange Bitters
36. Margarita (classic recipe)
37. Molasses & Milk
38. Chimay Blue
39. Wine of Pines (Tepache)
40. Green Tea
41. Daiginjo Sake
42. Chai Tea
43. Vodka (chilled, straight)
44. Coca-Cola
45. Zombie (Beachcomber recipe)
46. Barley Wine
47. Brewed Choclate (Xocolatl)
48. Pisco Sour
49. Lemonade
50. Speyside Single Malt
51. Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee
52. Champagne (Vintage)
53. Rosé (French)
54. Bellini
55. Caipirinha
56. White Zinfandel (Blush)
57. Coconut Water
58. Cerveza
59. Cafe au Lait
60. Ice Tea
61. Pedro Ximenez Sherry
62. Vintage Port
63. Hot Chocolate
64. German Riesling
65. Pina Colada
66. El Dorado 15 Year Rum
67. Chartreuse
68. Greek Wine
69. Negroni
70. Jägermeister
71. Chicha
72. Guinness
73. Rhum Agricole
74. Palm Wine
75. Soju
76. Ceylon Tea (High Grown)
77. Belgian Lambic
78. Mongolian Airag
79. Doogh, Lassi or Ayran
80. Sugarcane Juice
81. Ramos Gin Fizz
82. Singapore Sling
83. Mint Julep
84. Old Fashioned
85. Perique
86. Jenever (Holland Gin)
87. Chocolate Milkshake
88. Traditional Italian Barolo
89. Pulque
90. Natural Sparkling Water
91. Cuban Rum
92. Asti Spumante
93. Irish Whiskey
94. Château Margaux
95. Two Buck Chuck
96. Screech
97. Akvavit
98. Rye Whisky
99. German Weissbier
100. Daiquiri (classic)

I scored a 54, which kind of makes me sad.  Though there’s nothing that I had to cross out that I wouldn’t ever try, which I’m happy about.  I was a little tempted to cross out the Buckley’s, because I’ve heard it tastes like 12 kinds of hell, but I’m game to try it at least once.  And I think there are some things on the list that I’ve probably had, but the ol’ memory banks ain’t what they used to be, so they remain un-bolded.

So repost on your site (if you have one) and if you don’t, post your results in the comments and put my sad number to shame.

Early warning this week that tomorrow night, 7pm will be the TDN chat where we all sit around and make up drinks and then drink them and get sloshed together.  It’s fun!

This week’s theme is fruit liqueurs.  So everything from Peach schnapps to Midori to Cherry Heering to (heaven forbid) Apple Pucker is fair game.  Actually, it would take some SERIOUS balls (and skillz) to break out the Apple Pucker in that room and come up with a cocktail that most everyone there would agree is good.  I know I couldn’t come up with one.  I’ll give a shiny nickel to anyone who can do it.

Oh, and double-heads-up…in two weeks, on the 20th, we’re going to be having a very special night featuring Leblon Cachaça.  Cachaça, if you didn’t know, is the spirit used in caipirinhas, a delicious drink you’ve probably had if you’ve ever been to a Brazillian steakhouse like Fogo de Chão.  But that night we’re going to see what else we can do with cachaça, how we can maybe put a new twist on the caipirinha, and what it’s all about.  I’m warning you about it ahead of time so you can make sure and get a bottle of Leblon so you can join in the fun with us.

So I posted a link in our Obligitory Halloween Post to a person who’d made a beer pong costume.  Well apparently, one of our readers thought it was such a good idea he made one for himself, going so far as to slap a big beautiful “DRINKPLANNER” all over it.

It’s a thing of beauty.  I even like how he went all the way to the Sears Portrait Center* to get it done on a backdrop and everything.  Now his mom will have something to put in the Christmas cards this year!  Thanks for sending it in!

* “*squeek* *squeek* Look over here!  Over here!  Now say ‘giiiiiiiiiiiin!’”