Lies Wives Believe

The alarm goes off at 5:45.  You get up, stumble to the shower, get dressed and slip on your shoes.  You grab a cup of coffee from the kitchen and you get your briefcase and paperwork you brought home the night before.  You kiss the kids as they sit down at the breakfast table to pour their cereal.  You peck your spouse on the cheek as you run out the door.  You spend the entire commute on your headset giving instructions to your assistant about the day’s meeting.  You spend all day either on the phone, at the computer, or in meetings.  You eat lunch at your desk.  Finally at around 6:30, you call it a day, pack up your papers, and head home, stopping on the way to pick up a few pizzas because your family has to eat something.  You eat dinner, veg out in front of the TV for an hour or so, and go over the next day’s work, promising your spouse and kids for the umpteenth time that week that you’ll spend time with them on the weekend.

Sounds like a typical day for a man in the corner office, right?

 
Wrong.  This is a typical day for a woman in the corner office.

 
I know because I’ve been there, minus the kids in the equation.  That was my life.  Day in, day out, the same old-same old.  I rushed to get ready in the mornings, spent my half-hour morning commute giving orders to my assistant for stuff I needed on my desk to prepare so I could give it to my boss when he came in the office.  I would work long hours or bring work home.  I never cooked because I was always either late or tired; thankfully my salary was enough to compensate for all the eating out we did.  Our house was messy because I was never there.  I was a newlywed trying to build a marriage on a couple of hours an evening.  I was living to work, not working to live.

One night I sat down and counted all the hours I spent at my office versus the hours I spent with my husband. The difference in the two was astounding.

Not that all the work didn’t have worldly benefits.  I had a decent salary, I was climbing the ladder, a great benefits package, discounts on security purchases (I worked for a stock brokerage firm), a gorgeous corner office with a picture window and a giant mahogany desk.  I got to go to fancy parties, rub elbows with the wealthiest people in my city, and “get my name out there.”

But I sacrificed a lot to be there.  And one day the sacrifices started to outweigh the supposed “benefits.”

The world today tells women that they can have it all, and who can argue with it?  Especially after this past presidential election, where we had women vying for the top two positions in the country - I think it’s safe to say that the sky really is the limit for women in the workplace.  And we’re told, thanks to our feminist predecessors, that not only can we have it all but we should have it all too.

One of the principles I learned in my 10th grade economics class is the motto, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”  It has stuck with me for all these years, and I think it’s very applicable to the issue of women in corporate America.

I’m not against women working.  I know some families have to have the wife work in order to make all their expenses (mine included).  I know some women are so exceptional at what they do it would almost be a shame for them not to share their talents with the world.

But just like there is no such thing as a free lunch, there’s no such thing a a job without sacrifices.  You pay a price for everything.  At some point, something in your life will have to be cut back in order to accommodate the job.  And the motto of the corporate world is not, “How good of a worker have you been?”, but instead, “What have you done for me today?”  There will always be another position to vie for, another raise to earn, another title on the business card.  And unlike your husband or family, who generally look out for your best interests, Corporate America only looks out for its own.  And once you become disposable or replaceable, you will be disposed or replaced.  All that work and investment will have been for nothing.  I am not trying to sound crass or jaded; I’ve been there.  This is how it works.  I saw it done to countless others and naively thought it wouldn’t happen to me.  I was wrong.

If you enjoy and are good at what you do, then by all means keep working.  I just want to encourage you to keep your perspective about what is truly important.  It won’t be your job that helps you raise your children.  It won’t be your job that is there for you the day you get the call that one of your parents is sick and dying.  It won’t be your job with whom you spend your golden years.  And you certainly can’t take the corner office with the title and the mahogany desk with you.

So to close on some advice I heard many times when I was on the ladder in Corporate America, invest in the long-term that will reap the greatest benefits (your marriage and your family).  Don’t chase after a short-term gain that holds no real wealth at the end.